is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
