I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
