It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
