meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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