also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
