Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
