man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
