don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize