Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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