we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
