so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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