I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
