i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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