K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
