Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
