i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
