hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
