There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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