i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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