I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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