I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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