9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
