Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
