Umm I'm too high to move.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
