Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's shark week go big or go home
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
