Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
