look no pants
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
