so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
