peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
