i barfeds in our rink
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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