did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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