Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
