he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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