i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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