When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
