i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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