i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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