Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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