Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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