His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
