Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
