the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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