As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
