drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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