Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
