man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
