Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
