my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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