3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
