Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
