Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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