Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Houston, we have a squirter
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
