If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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