I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
