So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
