I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize