I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
