Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
