I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
