am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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