Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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