is wine microwaveable?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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