I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pants are for mortals
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
