im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
