When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
