I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i already hear my dad disowning me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
