she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
