your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
