Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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