you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
