i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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