I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
