If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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