Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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