tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
