Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
