I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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