I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You made out with two different species that night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
