im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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