fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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