He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
