and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize